November 30: The Ugly Chalkboard

Suggested reading: 1 Cor. 1:1-4:21

1 Corinthians 1:4-31

Amplified Bible (AMP)

10 But I urge and entreat you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you be in perfect harmony and full agreement in what you say, and that there be no dissensions or factions or divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in your common understanding and in your opinions and judgments.

11 For it has been made clear to me, my brethren, by those of Chloe’s household, that there are contentions and wrangling and factions among you.

1 Corinthians 3:3-4

Amplified Bible (AMP)

3 For you are still [unspiritual, having the nature] of the flesh [under the control of ordinary impulses]. For as long as [there are] envying and jealousy and wrangling and factions among you, are you not unspiritual and of the flesh, behaving yourselves after a human standard and like mere (unchanged) men?

4 For when one says, I belong to Paul, and another, I belong to Apollos, are you not [proving yourselves] ordinary (unchanged) men?

I'd like to share a personal testimony with you. I spoke about this at our Christmas Concert last year.

"The Ugly Chalkboard" 

Proverbs 28:13

Amplified Bible (AMP)

13 He who covers his transgressions will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes his sins will obtain mercy.

Over the past few months I have been shocked to learn that I have been filled with bitterness, anger, and an unforgiving spirit.

Say what????? Me, the little church girl, who has never drank a drop of alcohol, never smoked anything, was a virgin when I married in 1980, never cheated on my husband of 32 years, and the list of nevers goes on.  I was born and raised in church!

For much of my life not a day has gone by that I haven’t prayed God please clean out my heart. I have faithfully used the prayer guide written by my childhood pastor who baptized me, G.A. Mangun, “Praying Through the Tabernacle to the Throne.”

In the past months, I found myself getting stuck at the repentance portion of the prayer.  I literally couldn’t move forward. I began to really relate to Psalm 51:3, King David’s lament. “For I am conscious of my transgressions and I acknowledge them; my sin is ever before me.”

It was as if a giant chalkboard was raised up in front of me, halting my prayers. On it were many names. Beside each name were hash marks, representing wrongs against me.  I pleaded with God every day, please help me to forgive! There were so many names and so many hash marks! And they were accumulating daily because I hauled the chalkboard around with me all the time! I even propped it up by my bed at night. Every time someone looked at me funny, ignored me or made an offensive comment, I angrily grabbed the chalk, searched and found their name, and recorded it. 

This went on for months. I became exhausted and discouraged. Keeping the list current was hard work!

One Wednesday morning, I awakened at 3 a.m. tossing and turning. I got up around 4:15, grabbed the giant, ugly chalkboard, hauled it down the stairs, propped it up by the couch and sat down and tried to pray. I said for the thousandth time, "Oh God please clean out my heart!  Please help me to forgive all these people!"  I was losing hope. The list of the people and their wrongs was just too long.

Finally around 6:30 my heart began to melt. With tears flowing, I felt God’s presence surround me. I walked upstairs and sat beside my husband, Scott as he prayed. I knew he had been fasting and praying for a number of days. He said, "Vicki, I’m very concerned about you. I’ve been praying for you. You have bitterness and anger. You’ve got to get rid of it!  It will destroy you!"

Something happened that day that I couldn’t explain. I finally embraced the fact that even though I couldn’t and may never be able to change my situation, I had the Holy Ghost inside of me giving me the power to change myself. I felt happy tears behind my eyes all day as I realized God had heard my prayers! He was doing a cleansing work in me. I felt different; I felt new! I was able to lay the giant chalkboard at the foot of the cross, and leave it there.   Now I can sing this childhood hymn with deep soul stirring joy, "Rolled Away! Rolled Away!  I am happy since my burdens rolled away!"

"Dear Jesus, someone is reading this today who has very good reason to be hurt. She has very good reason to harbor hatred in her heart. She has been wronged over and over. But the anger will destroy her from the inside out. I know ALL about this because I experienced it myself. Please help her to lay the ugly list of wrongs down at the foot of Your cross where You shed Your precious blood. And leave it there. Give her the strength and courage to love those who despise her. To pray for those who treat her poorly. To follow Your example when You said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." I thank You and worship You for the beautiful work You are doing in her life! You deserve ALL the praise, honor, and glory. In Your precious name, the name of Jesus, AMEN."