GOD Morning! Questions and Dying April 27, 2017

GOD Morning! Questions and Dying


Six days before the Passover, Jesus went to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom He had raised from the dead. 2 So they gave a supper for Him there. Martha was serving, and Lazarus was one of those reclining at the table with Him. 3 Then Mary took a pound of very expensive perfume of pure nard, and she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped His feet with her hair; and the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. 4 But Judas Iscariot, one of His disciples, the one who was going to betray Him, said, 5 “Why was this perfume not sold for three hundred denarii and [the money] given to the poor?” 6 Now he said this, not because he cared about the poor [for he had never cared about them], but because he was a thief; and since he had the money box [serving as treasurer for the twelve disciples], he used to pilfer what was put into it.7 So Jesus said, “Let her alone, so that she may keep [the rest of] it for the day of My burial. 8 You always have the poor with you, but you do not always have Me.” 9 A large crowd of Jews learned that He was there [at Bethany]; and they came, not only because of Jesus, but also to see Lazarus, whom He had raised from the dead. 10 So the chief priests planned to kill Lazarus also, 11 because on account of him many of the Jews were going away [from the teaching and traditions of the Jewish leaders] and believing in Jesus [following Him as Savior and Messiah].
12 The next day, when the large crowd who had come to the Passover feast heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem, 13 they took branches of palm trees [in homage to Him as King] and went out to meet Him, and they began shouting and kept shouting “Hosanna! Blessed (celebrated, praised) is He who comes in the name of the Lord, even the King of Israel!” 14 And Jesus, finding a young donkey, sat on it; just as it is written [in Scripture], 15 “Do not fear, Daughter of Zion; Behold, Your King is coming, seated on a donkey’s colt.” 16 His disciples did not understand [the meaning of] these things at first; but when Jesus was glorified and exalted, they remembered that these things had been written about Him and had been done to Him. 17 So the people, who were with Him when He called Lazarus out of the tomb and raised him from the dead, continued to tell others about Him. 18 For this reason the crowd went to meet Him, because they heard that He had performed this [miraculous] sign. 19 Then the Pharisees [argued and] said to one another, “You see that your efforts are futile. Look! The whole world has gone [running] after Him!” 20 Now there were some Greeks (Gentiles) among those who were going up to worship at the feast; 21 these came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, with a request, saying, “Sir, we wish to see Jesus.” 22 Philip came and told Andrew; then Andrew and Philip went and told Jesus.23 And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified and exalted.24 I assure you and most solemnly say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone [just one grain, never more]. But if it dies, it produces much grain and yields a harvest. 25 The one who loves his life [eventually] loses it [through death], but the one who hates his life in this world [and is concerned with pleasing God] will keep it for life eternal.26 If anyone serves Me, he must [continue to faithfully] follow Me [without hesitation, holding steadfastly to Me, conforming to My example in living and, if need be, suffering or perhaps dying because of faith in Me]; and wherever I am [in heaven’s glory], there will My servant be also. If anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him." John 12:1-26

It’s okay for me to ask Jesus questions. But I must remember that Jesus knows my real motive for asking questions. Sometimes I don’t even know my real motive. Is the question coming from a pure heart? Or I have a Judas heart?

King David didn’t always know his own motives.

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23, 24

Paul said, “I die daily.” (1 Cor. 15:31)

I have had to, like a grain of wheat, die numerous times. And though dying is painful, the joy that comes afterwards is indescribable.

Nine years ago, I was at an all-time low. I was paralyzed by the evil spirits of fear, anxiety and self-hatred. I shuffled around slowly and weakly. I would cry out to God in prayer, but seemingly to no avail. This went on for a few months. I kept begging for God to heal me. At the same time, I continued to tell God that no matter what, I would serve Him until my dying breath. I completely surrendered to God. On April 12, 2008, He totally delivered me.

I died and rose to life again during that time. What a glorious freedom!

I died when my son left God and his family. For more than two years my whole life was consumed with prayer and fasting for my son. My husband and I would lie awake at night not knowing if Dayn was dead or alive. One time I felt a nudge from God that he was suicidal. I prayed even harder. Our prayers were finally answered. My joy was restored when Dayn was restored.

I am remembering another trial. I was feeling a burden to destroy the evil spirit of pornography and the hold it had on men and women (google the stats). My plan was to gather women together to fast and pray against this terrible addiction. My good intentions were misunderstood. Looking back, I definitely went about things in the wrong way. I died again during that time. And allowed God to restore me to life.

Then there was another death. This one was definitely brought on by me. Some words that I said were repeated. I was an outcast for a time. I literally felt like a piece of gum that was stuck to the floor and trampled on countless times. There is a photo of me during that time and my shoulders are hunched over and I look beaten down. Because I was beaten down.

But in time, I rose from that death as well. Stronger. Wiser. Better.

I died again recently. God uses people to humble me. And OMGoodness, it is painful. But it always brings me to my knees. And I rise feeling nothing but gratitude that God loves me enough to keep working on me.

I am remembering yet other deaths that really hurt. One in particular. I was in a difficult time and expecting a miracle. The miracle never came. Never. But I noticed something interesting. In the waiting, I was changed on the inside. And one day I woke up and realized that it didn’t matter anymore. God had done a beautiful work in me.

He obviously thinks I need a lot of humbling. A lot of waiting. And a lot of dying.

Now when troubles come, I simply fall to my knees and worship Him, thanking Him for the trial. And thanking Him for loving me enough to continue to keep working on me. And I wait.

“But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31 New King James Version
I am grateful for every one of these deaths. I literally feel stronger, wiser and better after each death. I also determine in my mind to embrace future deaths that are inevitable. I am a work in progress.

“Dear Jesus, thank You for opening my eyes this morning. Thank You for loving me enough to work on me, even though it hurts. Thank You for never giving up on me. Thank You for Your everlasting, unconditional love. Thank You for the crushing, heart breaking times. Thank You for the waiting times. Thanks for Your constant, sweet presence in the middle of it all. How I love You, my precious Jesus. AMEN.”

Blessings,

Vicki