GOD Morning! September 2, Pathetic Pity Party

GOD Morning! September 2

Pathetic Pity Party

Wow. The pain of rejection. The pain of being completely misunderstood. Is unbearable. The crushing of the heart. Finally falling asleep and then being jolted awake at 4AM by the throbbing heart pain.

Being hit in the face with 1 Corinthians 13.

Oh God. Really? I’m supposed to have this kind of love? Impossible. Nope. Can’t do it. Maybe if I was God in the flesh I could reach into the God part of me and drag out this so called “perfect” love.

1 Corinthians 13 amp

13 If I [can] speak in the tongues of men and [even] of angels, but have not love (that reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion such as is inspired by God’s love for and in us), I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

Oh so after all that tongue talking that I have been doing for 50 plus years, You are calling me a clanging cymbal? 

² And if I have prophetic powers (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), and understand all the secret truths and mysteries and possess all knowledge, and if I have [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but have not love (God’s love in me) I am nothing (a useless nobody).

Oh, so now You say that the wisdom that I have gleaned from Your word over the years means nothing as well. Oh, and my mountain moving faith in You means nothing. I am a useless nobody. All because I'm not feeling the love right now.

³ Even if I dole out all that I have [to the poor in providing] food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or in order that I may glory, but have not love (God’s love in me), I gain nothing.

Um, wait a minute. I serve food to the poor all the time. I really love the precious folks that You have brought into my life. I am devoted to them. That means nothing as well?

⁴ Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

Wait. I thought I was patient and kind. “Patient and kind” are definitely not what I’m feeling at the moment. Not at all. Quite the opposite.  I am certainly boiling over with something right now and it’s not love.

⁵ It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

This Amplified Bible is really helping me out here! No, wait a minute. Touchy is too mild of a word. Resentful! Now there’s a great word. Yes.

What? I am supposed to pay no attention? Yup, God, You are clearly asking too much. Too late. I already paid attention.

⁶ It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

Wait a minute. I am right. So why can’t I prevail here?

⁷ Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

Bla, bla, bla. Impossible. All of it. How can I believe the best of every person? No way. NO stinking WAY.

Oh, and what about me? I am crushed. I am devastated right now. Completely and utterly hopeless. And You expect me to not only endure this, but hope endlessly??? Don't see THAT happening. 

⁸ Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].

Whatever. This "Love" thing is simply not working out for me right now. 

⁹ For our knowledge is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect), and our prophecy (our teaching) is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect).

You can certainly say that again! I feel like I have been crushed into a million fragments right now. Incomplete. Yeah, that’s me, alright.

¹⁰ But when the complete and perfect (total) comes, the incomplete and imperfect will vanish away (become antiquated, void, and superseded).

¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside.

And now You are saying that I'm childish. Can’t You see that I am hurting here? Helloooo? 

¹² For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but then I shall know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood [by God].

Yup. I am clueless right now. In the middle of a big, ugly riddle.

¹³ And so faith, hope, love abide [faith—conviction and belief respecting man’s relation to God and divine things; hope—joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love—true affection for God and man, growing out of God’s love for and in us], these three; but the greatest of these is love.

“I give up, God. Please, take all of this pain. Please. Right now I can’t see my way out of this fog. I am hopeless and helpless. Please help me find my way out of this. Please. I am begging You. Oh and no matter what, I love You. I LOVE YOU. Because You first loved me. You died a horrific death for me. You were beaten, bloody, battered, and bruised beyond recognition. For me. You deserve my highest praise. You deserve my sacrificial worship. Even as I say this, I am feeling a teeny seed of faith rise up in my spirit. Thank You for listening to my pathetic pity party. And I am humbly begging for Your forgiveness. Please forgive me. Please. In Your precious name, Jesus, AMEN.”